the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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