My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
