Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
