And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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