how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we're making bets on your personal life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
