Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
