just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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