bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
