Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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