I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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