no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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