The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
