We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
