Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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