i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
