What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
