About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
