we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
