it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
