She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
