He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
