Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
porn star boner night. come get it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
