In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
