I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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