how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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