How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
