I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
