if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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