im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize