Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize