I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
