Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
