Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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