The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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