I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
