The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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