I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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