is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
