Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had sex bonerless
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
