Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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