i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
