There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
