is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
