I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
