i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The air was thick with penises
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
