I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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