we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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