Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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