I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
