Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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