My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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