: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize