Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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