I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He passed out mid-signature
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
