I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
