Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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