There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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