tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
