Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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