Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
