Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
