so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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