if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize