So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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