if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
