I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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